Problem of Delinquents, a transcient problem?

The article 'Girls behaving badly' published by The Straits Times on March 22 is indeed enlightening. It highlights one of the social ills that is taking in our society today. I am sure it did not come as a surprise for many of us. Possible reasons had been postulated for this phenomenon: bad influences from media and internet, increasing materialism, just want to have fun, weaking of family bond, etc. But what is the real underlying factor?

Previously, such badly behaved children were usually associated with broken families. Broken family is defined as those family where the parents are divorced or separated. In the old days where the mother is usually the home-maker, it follows that once divorced, the mother will have to work leaving the children to fend for themselves with minimum guidance. But reading the article clearly debunk this myth. Nowadays intact families are equally inflicted by this social ills.

To me, this is hardly surprising. Intact family nowadays is only intact as far as the marriage goes. What is not intact is the time spent between the parents and children. With the rise in cost of living, the better standard of living and the rising (unrealistic) expectations, a single income is no longer feasible in most households. Coupled with the fact that women are now better educated, with changes in mindsets and aspirations, being a home-maker is no longer expected. Hence, all these give rise to the double income family, where both the parents work, leaving the children to fend for themselves.

Therefore, on the surface a family is intact but in actuality, the family unit is as broken as that of a broken family. There is practically nobody to mind the children. I choose the word mind and not look for a reason. When one look after the children, one merely make sure that the children are fed and safe. They are not taught about what is right or what is proper. As a result the children do not know how to behave. How does a child know what a proper behaviour should be when he does not even know what is right or wrong?

Some parents tried to amend the situations by 'spending' time with them during the weekend and holidays. This is all well and good until the way how these parents 'spend' their time is examined. During weekends, this usually means going to shopping centres. The father will look at electronic stuff, the mother will look at clothings and the children, depending on the age, toys, stationery or handphones. The point is that the time spent is not fruitful. Each has his own agenda. This is no different as each going out to different shopping centres! How much minding can there be?

Then there are those parents who are indulgent. I have witness a 7-year old child who actually opened the wrapping of a toy to play with it. When he was politely told not to play with it, the father actually told the boy to leave the toy since 'people don't want you to play.' How would the boy learn from his mistakes? Would the boy even know that he was wrong?

The problem of delinquent children will get worse. The cost of living will not be any cheaper. Both parents will have to work. Children of such parents will grow up with no parenting skills. They will not know how to mind their own children even if they want to. The future certainly looks bleak.

I am not pointing fingers at those parents who working. How many of us have a choice? How are we going to solve this problem if the root cause is not tackled? I feel that the only way to tackle this is to do it as a society. Let the society set the standards. This means that if a child is seen to behave badly, let the society reprimand the child. And society means people like you and me. If our children misbehaved, we should not shield them. And if we cannot handle our children, then let the society do so.