How much is a homemaker worth?

Presently, it is not too difficult to see misbehaved children, children and teenagers with little respect for the elders and people who just cannot be bothered with how their actions can affect other people. It is equally easy to see people who are very impatient, who have no qualms to take up their camera phone and snap just because they think that somebody else is rude, people who create a scene so that the service personnel will attend to their demand no matter how ridiculous it may be. These come even when teachers are noticing the same trend among school-going children.

As I had mentioned in my previous blog, most of these problem stem from the fact that these children and later teens lack the guidance they needed at home. With the current double-income family the norm, children are mostly left unguided to the care of their maids. Hence, they have difficulty identifying what is or is not proper. This process is unfortunately complicated by imported US shows which has different cultural values and hence different acceptance levels. As a result, what may seemed cool and acceptable in US culture may not be acceptable or cool in our Asian society. This results in some confusion among the children.

The findings published by Singapore Children Society on a survey that sought to understand how parents here raised their children and what children think of how they are brought up, provide some pertinent points.

Firstly, both children and parents agreed that a misbehaved child should be disciplined. Thank goodness, children also understand the need for discipline. And discipline is exactly what is lacking in today's society. Teens question about the need of school uniform, the need for the curfew imposed on them by the Police and why they should not have long and dyed-hair when they go back to school to take their 'A' levels results. All this is simply a matter of discipline. If you belong to an organisation, then you should try to follow the rules of the organisation. And following rules take a lot of discipline.

Secondly, reasoning with children is a more effective form of disciplining as compared to physical means. This is one of the 'imported' culture which has done good for our society. Don't get me wrong. Actually I do not fully agree with the statement that physical punishment may cause a child to lose self-confidence and will perpetuate the use of physical punishment in future generations. I take a more middle approach - reasoning first but if all else fail, then some form of physical punishment. And physical punishment is not to inflict pain but to make them realise that their actions are wrong. Hence a token hit on the palm with a ruler maybe all that is needed. There is no one-size fits all solution. Some children can be reasoned with and some just need to have the physical punishment. Even the same child may need to be reminded with some physical punishments. The only caveat is not to mete physical punishment when you are angry. Only carry out physical punishment when you can control your emotion. That way there is less chance of unintented abuse and is probably more effective because the child knows that the punishment is for his misbehaviour rather than a way to let out the parents' frustrations. Although reasoning is good and more effective, it does take time. This may be more difficult given that today's family are always short of time for each other.

Thirdly, children who were cared for mainly by parents were happier with their childcare arrangements than those whose main caregivers were paid workers. Mothers remain the main and the preferred caregiver. This I feel is the most important finding. Parents have the means both discipline and share the moments of joy with their children. This gives the child a certain comfort level that is more difficult to reproduce with other caregiver. Human beings are social beings, hence the interactions, whether of joyous occasions or otherwise, can only promote the family ties. No other caregiver can give the same type of interactions. Because of such importance of the caregiver parent, it brings me to a very important question - what is the monetary value of a homemaker?

Since children taken care by parents are happier and from other observations, tend to be more disciplined, the role of the homemaker is very important. A full time homemaker has the time needed to reason with the child. The homemaker, having spent a lot of time with the child, can notice subtle changes in the child's behaviour, which if picked up early, can nip the problem in the bud, before it becomes too difficult to handle. The homemaker can spend time watching the TV with the children and in the process use the numerous opportunities presented by the TV characters, to guide the child on what is right and wrong and why. TV programs also provide the opportunity to bring up topics that our Asian parents find difficult to bring up, topics like premarital sex. As the discussions are not hovering around the child, the child may be more receptive to what is being said and discussed. All these are very important, not only to the family but to the nation itself, for today's children are tomorrow's leaders. Therefore the 'profession' of homemaker is very important.

Why is it then homemaker 'profession' has so little take up rate? Firstly, with today's level of education, who would want to do such mundace stuffs as childcaring? Childcaring is a thankless job. The kids will not thank you for bringing them to school or to their friends house for that all important party. The kids will not thank you when they get good marks as a result of your constant nagging to do their school work. And you are doing all these for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year! Compare this to a working person. Good efforts get mentioned and rewarded. You only work a 5-day week. There is no need to look like the tyrant as seen through the eyes of the children. At the end of the day, there is always the paycheck and the prospect for promotion.

Secondly, in Singapore, everything is measured by dollars-and-cents. So if you don't bring in the money, then you are not contributing to the society. With this type of thinking, who wants to be a fulltime homemaker? Not only the homemaker has to work hard for nothing (not even peanuts), you are being told that you do not contribute to society! Bringing up good, law-abiding children does not count. Bringing up kids who can think for the next person does not matter. Bringing up kids who can differentiate between right from wrong is not important. If doing all these which results in a more caring and peaceful society is not considered as contributing to society, then I do not know what is!

Thirdly, the non-working spouse is only 'worth' S$2000 a year! That is how much deductions the spouse get for staying at home, working 24 hours a day, looking very much a tyrant with no paychecks or perks. With this kind of monetary 'rewards' no wonder not many people wants to be a homemaker.

At the end of the day, how much does a homemaker really worth in monetary terms? To me it is priceless. All I know is that, because my wife is a homemaker, I can concentrate on my work, knowing that my kids are in good hands. I know that whatever money that I shower on her cannot matched any of the sacrifices she had made since the day she gave up her job. I know that the joy I am having with my kids is due her guidance. Her sacrifices cannot be wrong because there are those high-flyers who are more than willing to forego their fat paychecks to look after the kids.

So how much is the homemaker really worth?

Link:
The Parenting Project, Disciplinary Practices, Child Care Arrangements and Parenting Practices by Singapore Children Society