Why the trend?

I had always felt that kids nowadays are less disciplined and more self-centred. But I tried to brush it aside attributing it to my own peculiarity and idiosyncracy until I read a report published in the Today newspaper, October 11, entitled "A pocket-sized pint of good cheer - Six-year-old youngest winner ever of kindness award". The girl's form teacher was quoted as saying that she had noticed the trend of schoolchildren becoming more abrupt-mannered and self-centred. This report was cleverly published together with a letter from a reader who related an incident on how a child was not reprimanded for being rude to his grandmother and food wasting. Why has our society, one which pride itself with its high education level can fare so badly in bringing up our children?

The principal reason for this sad state of affairs is the lack of someone to point what is right or wrong and what is acceptable or not. Children nowadays are largely left to the maids to look after. The poor maid has to do all the housework, look after the kids, bring the kids to schools and tuition class - and she is expected to do all equally well. If one had done housework before, one will know that this is an impossibility. Something will have to give, and in this instance of course it is child-minding, as the main job for a maid is housework. Furthermore, most maids are not allow to discipline the child for obvious reasons.

The little time parents spend with the children also contributes to this problem. Having to work hard for the day, coming home is the time to rest. Most of us who has work for a full eight hours will appreciates how little energy there is left to guide the children. Furthermore, by the time the working parents come home, the child will probably still be study and doing their homework. That leaves very little time for guidance as well. Weekends is not different. The time spent is mainly for shopping and to play golf. How much time can there be to guide the child?

Parents are also more protective of their children nowadays probably because of fewer children. Hence the parents will try to provide the best to their children, sometimes to the extend of being over-indulgence. This poses a problem to schools because given the above reasons, schools become the last bastion in preventing the decline in discipline. Parents maybe too quick to jump to defend their children. Teachers are only human. Why bother to discipline when there are tons of letters of explanation to write? Why bother to punish when a letter of complaint will ensue? Luckily there are a lot of dedicated teachers who tried their best to guide the children in spite of all these adversities.

Nowadays there are a lot of books on how to bring up children. If you talk to child psychologist, one of the things they teach is not to scold the child especially in public. This is to avoid affecting the child's self-esteem, resulting in low self-confidence. Many parents will take this to mean minimal intervention, again resulting in lack of guidance. If previous methods of scolding the kids was suspect, why then are there so many great people in our mist?

The children themselves lack the opportunities to be guided. With school ranking, school are out to prove themselves, and pupils had been piled with homework. On top of this, there are enrichment classes and tuition classes. The emphasis here is on grades. Having to spend a lot of time on school homework, leaves very little time for those few parents who manage to squeeze the last ounce of energy to guide the child. With such precious little time, how many parents have the heart to discipline their children? Any minor misbehaviour will be tolerated. To the child, if an action is not pointed out as wrong, such behaviour is acceptable and correct. In the long run, cumulations of minor misbehaviours become a discipline problem.

With cable television, more of our kids are exposed to US shows. If you have watched some of these shows, you will realised that some of their behaviour are not totally acceptable in our society. If the parents did not watch the show together with the kids, this may be a missed opportunity to point out the flaw. Utilising TV shows to teach kids value is probably the most valuable opportunity. This is because when we discuss about the TV characters, the kids will not be in defensive mode and hence more receptive. TV shows can sometimes provide an opportunity to discuss difficult topics like those involving the bees and the birds, without feeling too awkward.

With all the above reasons, it is hardly surprising that kids nowadays are more self-centred and less disciplined. However the problem does not end with these kids. What will happen to the next generation of kids when today's kids become parents themselves? Without the basic foundation on courtesy and consideration for the next person, how are they going to teach their children on what courtesy and consideration is? I shudder at the thought!